It's Five O'clock Somewhere...

Today was Day #3 in "Sarah is a college graduate/housewife/graduate student." It's so weird to have nothing due until August and no classes again until January. The freedom is dizzying, and I must admit, it has turned my head just a bit. I probably need to get on some kind of schedule before I turn into one of those people who sleep all morning, write all night, and drink in the afternoons.

Therein lies the problem, however. I function better at night. I like to write at night. I procrastinate my writing all day, and then, as soon as Steve starts snoring away next to me, my fingers fly across the keyboard. Maybe if I get more disciplined about doing my reading during the day, the writing discipline will follow.

What reading you ask? Well, let me tell you about my reading list. I have twelve books, both fiction and craft, that I have to read over the next semester and write critical responses to. (No, I won't end sentences with prepositions in those responses.) Actually I'm very excited about my reading list. That's the great thing about an MFA program. Unlike undergraduate work, you get to have a say in what books you read. My advisor and I chose a great mix of classic and contemporary and even one book I've already read that I just want to reread. Curious what MFA grad students are reading? Wonder no longer...

Lost in the Funhouse, John Barth; The Complete Stories, Flannery O’Connor; Unaccustomed Earth, Jhumpa Lahiri; Monkeys, Susan Minot; Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan; The Things They Carried, Tim O’Brien; Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger; Ellen Foster, Kay Gibbons; The Tiny One, Eliza Minot, Mystery and Manners, Flannery O’Connor; Burning Down the House, Charles Baxter, and Best American Short Stories 2009, selection of 4 stories.

Are you jealous yet? I know I can hardly wait for the FedEx guy to show up with my great big Barnes & Noble box full of literary goodness. I am so glad that a couple of wonderful people gave me B&N gift cards for graduation. It's been a lifesaver with all the book buying I've been doing.

Right now, I'm still trying to finish Truman Capote's In Cold Blood. Of course, I don't mean trying to in the sense that I'm having trouble finishing it. It's just that I started the book before the residency and then had to stop. Now I'm having to get back into it and remember who's who. I really love the book, though. Makes me want to read some of his fiction. I guess there's one for another semester's reading list.

Five Degrees of Separation

Just the other day I was informed that I was a “professional nerd.” When I asked what that meant, my friend explained that I wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill nerd. According to her, I embrace my nerd status and make a study of it. I make nerdy cross-references and study the implications of nerd philosophy. While I have never attempted to hide my less-than-cool status, I had never thought of my place in the nerd hierarchy in those terms before my friend’s casual comment.

As I consider my place in the kingdom of Movie Geeks, Comic Book Collectors, Star Wars fans, Gamers, and Trekkies, I realize that while I dabble in several areas of “nerdom,” I have never specialized. Each of these groups considers itself as slightly superior to the others, except perhaps Trekkies who seem to have accepted their rank at the bottom of the totem pole. Hang out in any of these circles for long and you’ll hear comments like, “Well, at least I don’t collect comic books,” or “It’s not like I play D&D in my mother’s basement.” Yes, even amongst nerds there is no solidarity. The cliques and prejudices of the popular crowd plague the nerds, too. Maybe that’s why I’ve never picked a side. I guess I’m more of an equal opportunity nerd. I accept all types of freaks and geeks, well, except for Gamers. They’re just weird.

Let us examine those I view as the highest functioning of the nerd set: the Movie Geek. This brand of nerdiness manifests itself in compulsive purchasing of DVDs including, but not limited to: classic cult films, sci-fi flicks, indies, complete television series, and childhood favorites. The average Movie Geek will probably have The Princess Bride, The Original Star Wars Trilogy, Pulp Fiction, Caddyshack, The Godfather, and Office Space in their DVD library. Of course, the title of Movie Geek is not bestowed on every person with a DVD collection in their closet. No, the title involves far more responsibility than simply maintaining an impressive list of films. There is the movie quote/trivia knowledge factor. A true Movie Geek can always think of the most appropriate movie quote for any situation. They always win at “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” (If you aren’t familiar with that game, don’t worry. It just means you’re not a Movie Geek.)

I must confess that I have a soft spot in my heart for this type of nerd, as it is a vital part of my own nerd makeup. When my husband and his friends spent a year speaking to each other in quotes from the film, Snatch, I could join in and hold my own. When my friends talk about a movie but just can’t remember who played the girl-who-killed-that-guy, I always come to the rescue. Movie trivia games at my house turn ugly, fast.

Many times, different nerd groups overlap. This is often true of the Movie Geeks and the Comic Book Collectors. While hard core Collectors certainly scoff at the “inaccuracies” of film adaptations of their beloved comics, they still line up to see the latest attempt to bring one of Stan Lee’s creations to life. Many films even celebrate the Comic Book Collector. Writer/Producer/Director/Actor Kevin Smith features comic books and collectors heavily in his films. In Smith’s Mallrats, one of the main characters has an epiphany after an encounter with Stan Lee in front of a comic book store. Even a blockbuster film like Live Free or Die Hard includes a brief interlude where Kevin Smith plays an uber-nerd who helps save the day. The Comic Book Collector may be mercilessly mocked by people both in and out of nerdom, but if Hollywood is any indication, their stock may be rising.

Closely related to the Comic Book Collector due to the similarity of subject matter is the Star Wars Fan. When I asked my husband what a fan of Star Wars was called, he said, “Cool.” Unfortunately for my husband (and me), that’s mostly wishful thinking. While Lucas’ recent offerings may have upped Star Wars’ popularity, the true Star Wars Fan still stands alone. Many a Fan has scoffed at the Star Wars neophyte who commented that Phantom Menace was awesome. The Die Hards know who they are and that Empire Strikes Back was the best Star Wars movie ever and that Admiral Ackbar can always spot a trap.

While I do claim to have a toehold in the Star Wars Fan realm of nerdom, I have to surrender to the greater power in the Force, my husband. One of his greatest regrets in life is that he never got a Millennium Falcon as a child. He actually plays a game with other Fans where they name random characters and decide who is “better,” a nerdy variation on the more risqué “Who Would You Do?” game. He recently lost this game to a seven-year-old boy. They were having an argument over who was better, Chewbacca or the Ewoks. My husband was arguing for Chewy while his little friend insisted that the Ewoks were better. When my husband asked him why, he simply said, “Chewbacca was fooled by a piece of meat.” No one could argue with that. (If you listen closely, you will hear all the nerds laughing at this story. They get it.)

Like the other layers of nerdiness that I have already explored, the next level of nerd flows nicely from Star Wars Fan – the Gamer. Once again, we have some overlap. Gamers like to live in a world of their own (or someone else’s) imagination. The same people who love LucasLand, also love to play Dungeons and Dragons (or D&D as it is affectionately called) and video games like World of Warcraft. The D&D Gamer hand-paints tiny figures to represent their characters whose fates are decided by the roll of 12-sided die. The D&D game is led by an all-powerful person called the Dungeon Master – also known as the guy who never got a date in high school. Gamers speak a language all their own and often see their imaginary worlds as a place of escape. Though this is the nerd group with whom I have the least affinity, I do have to salute their commitment to their own nerdiness. They make no attempt to hide their Gamer label. If anything, they seem to wear it with pride. You’d have to admire their bravery in parading their obsession in front of a cruel, uncaring world if you were sure they accepted this world as their own.

The final group in the nerd hierarchy deserves a paragraph without transition or link to the discussion of previous groups. In the land of nerds, Trekkies, or Trekkers as those in denial prefer to be called, stand alone. The devoted fans not only watch and memorize episode after episode of Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and Enterprise, they also attend conventions where all their fellow Trekkies gather, many of whom are dressed as their favorite character. They tell each other to “Live Long and Prosper” and translate Klingon love poetry.

For some reason that I can’t quite grasp, other nerds view Trekkies as the weakest of the Pocket-Protector Pack. They are the butt of jokes that nerds tell each other. To be called a Trekkie is considered an insult by many. This seems unfortunate to me since I have found Trekkies to be some of the nicest people I have ever met. Maybe it’s just my inner Trekkie bonding with a kindred spirit. Sure, I’ve never used the offer of a Vulcan mind meld as a pick-up line, but I do love the show and feel deep indignation at the fact that J.J. Abrams (of Lost fame) is bastardizing the series into some overblown action flick. Oh, no, my Trekkie is showing.

This explication of nerd-theory and the organic hierarchy of nerds across America has brought me to a higher understanding of my place in the cold, dark world of the uncool. Maybe my title shouldn’t be “Professional Nerd” as much as it should be “Nerd-For-All-Seasons.” I like to think I celebrate all the different areas of nerdom, and there are many. After all, I haven’t even started on the International Nerds. Great Britain has “Whoies,” a group obsessed with the show Doctor Who, a long-running program about a time traveling alien who regenerates into a different actor every time one Doctor “dies.” And as everyone knows, Tom Baker was the best of all the Doctors, and can I offer you a jelly baby?

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

So it starts today. The residency is over, the house is clean, and I've slept my brain to mush. The real work of this MFA begins this very afternoon. No one is standing over me with looming deadlines, pop quizzes, or midterm exams. It's just me and my laptop and a big blank screen. Sure, it's a little intimidating. I have so many voices bouncing around in my head - professors, characters, my own self doubt. Now I just have to shut everything out and try to write something.

At least I'm not alone on this journey. Ever since the residency, I've talked daily to a friend in the same boat. He's been sending me pieces of his hilarious story and making me feel like a complete slacker. I've got to get working so I have something to read next time he calls.

In the vein of trying to get motivated and focused, I made Steve watch Wonder Boys with me last night and shock of all shocks, he liked it. Well, he didn't wax poetic about it or anything, but I did hear him laugh out loud several times, and he admitted it was "okay." In Steve-ese that's practically effusive. So he may never give more than an "it's good" as a critique to one of my stories, but at least he sat through of one my favorite writer movies. Small victories, right?

Well, the day is speeding by, and I have writing to do. So it's time to go. I have lots of rejection letters to earn.

Dead On Arrival, Or How I Survived My First MFA Residency

So after a prolonged absence, I am back. Perhaps a little worse for wear. I had 9 whole days of break between graduation and my first residency in my graduate school program. If I had known how tired I was going to get during the residency, I think I would have slept the entire 9 days between graduation and the residency.

The Converse College MFA Program's inaugural residency was amazing, but it was also very intense. For 9 days, I was either in a lecture, workshop, reading, or huddling over my laptop and wishing I didn't have to squeeze in a rewrite. The other students were great, however, and the faculty was unbelievable. Every day ended with a reading (both faculty and student) followed by a reception, which involved drinks and laughs. (One reading actually began with a student reading an epigraph by W.C. Fields in the voice of Christopher Walken. You can't make that stuff up.) I guess that is one theme that ran through the entire week and a half - laughs.

Of course, I learned lots of stuff during my week of intense study, and much of what I learned will greatly benefit my writing. Then there were the things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing. For example, my friend Rebecca taught me at least one new word meaning (which I won't be sharing in print.) I learned that people in the south put mayo on everything. I also learned that sleep deprivation and alcohol are an interesting combination. It's amazing the effect that one beer can have on someone who's had 4 hours of sleep. And by somebody, I mean me.

Then there was Rock Band night. Yes, my Rock Band obsession has spread to my professors, and we actually had a Rock Band party during the MFA residency. It was so great to see everyone loosen up and participate after they saw someone else make an idiot of themselves at the microphone. And by someone else, I mean me.

My favorite part of the week, though, was simply the time spent with friends and fellow writers. There were deep conversations and all that heavy stuff, but there was also a lot of flat out cutting up. Why are writers so much fun? There was truly a sense of solidarity among all of us, students and professors both. I got to meet some new people, and even more importantly, I got to spend time getting to know some of my Converse friends even better over Thai food and chocolate chip cookies and tapas and overpriced cocktails.

Of course, there were a few occasions when we almost got to know a little too much about each other. With 9 days of constant contact, everybody starts to let their real selves show. I read somewhere that if you are sleep deprived for long enough that it is like being intoxicated. If that is really true, then most of us were, in fact, quite buzzed most of the time. There were oversharing incidents and Freudian slips and invasions of personal space on a daily basis. Just a lot of glorious, messy life. One professor commented that she couldn't remember what her real life was like after so many days on the Converse campus. I must admit, I'm looking forward to remembering what my real life is like. At least until January.

The Surreal Life - Graduation Edition

Well, I did it. I graduated from college. It still feels a little unreal, though it sinks in a bit more with each passing day. I've been an official graduate for 3 whole days, and I'm already a grad student. No rest for the weary (or is it the wicked?) My first residency starts next week, and I can hardly wait...well, that's not entirely true. I am enjoying the break from school, no matter how short. It's nice to know I don't have anything I have to do for school for a few days. Yesterday was one, long, glorious day of wasting time and accomplishing nothing. It was everything I dreamed of and then some.

Back to graduation, though. It was an amazing experience. (No mocking my vague, hyperbolic adjective, either. It really was. I couldn't think of a better word, except maybe awesome.) Last Thursday was the first of the surreal graduation experiences. I sat in Twichell auditorium, shivering in the overwrought air-conditioning and marveling that I was actually there getting ready to graduate. Despite the mind-numbingly boring explanations (and over-explanations) of how graduation would run, none of us could stop grinning. We looked like a bunch of high-class hyenas in dresses, heels, and pearls. You don't get much more surreal than that! Then there was the Candlelight Senior Dinner with its tearful, drunken toasting and slideshow set to graduation classics like Green Day's "Time of Your Life." I felt a little like I was trapped in some bad 80's movie, but I loved every minute of it. Baccalaureate was the next night, followed by Hats Off and dinner with family.

Graduation Day dawned gray and rainy. Apparently, it never rains on Converse graduation...except when I graduate. So lunch on the lawn wasn't going to happen, but I didn't care. They could throw my diploma to me as I drove by the school, so long as I had that document in my hot, little hands when it was all over. Fortunately, that didn't happen. I got my diploma like everyone else, during Commencement. I must admit that after Steve walked me over to Wilson Hall to line up, it all started to feel a little unreal. I don't think I was the only one feeling this way, either. Everyone seemed a little on edge, a little different, like we were strangers meeting for the first time. We made polite conversation and took pictures together because that's what we were supposed to do. No one seemed clear on what we were supposed to do after all this was over.

Once I got settled in my seat in Gee Dining Hall, I looked over the program. I quickly found my name, also a little unreal. Sarah Elizabeth, summa um laude. Wait a minute. Did that say what I think it did? Sure enough. The only typo in the entire program was next to my name. That one little missing "C" gave me and those around me a good laugh until it was time to head into Twichell for the big event. As we walked out of Wilson, the faculty applauded us, another surreal happening for the history books. We lined up outside Twichell and applauded the faculty as they processed into the auditorium. Then it was our turn. I know I am a writer, and therefore, should be able to explain how I felt as I walked to my seat. Alas, I cannot. I suppose I could say that my heart was full or some other cliche like that, but that just wouldn't cover it. As I found my seat, I looked up to the balcony to see where Steve and my parents had promised to sit. I waved hello with my grin.

I must confess that I barely remember walking across the stage to get my diploma and hood. I certainly didn't hear any of my friends names as they were called after mine. I was in a daze. I couldn't then (and still can't now) believe that I was holding my diploma in my hand. It wasn't just me, either. My friend, Megan, kept giving me the most ridiculously wide grin (I know mine was exactly like hers.) We kept squeezing each other's hand. I'm not sure if we were congratulating each other, or trying to make sure the moment was real.

After lots of hugs and pictures, we made our way to Gee Dining Hall for some bad food, good friends, and continued photo ops. My night of no sleep was starting to kick in. When we finally peeled ourselves away from the festivities (I wasn't sure I was ready for everything to be over), we headed home to get ready for the graduation party. I began my preparations with a nap. Nothing glamorous or surreal there. Just one tired graduate. Not even graduating summa Cum laude could make up for a good night's sleep.

Hold On To That Feeling

Four days to go. It seems unreal that in four short days I'll be a college graduate. Tomorrow I drop off my final paper/exam for Domesticity class (and no, that's not a class on how to make beds and sew on buttons), and then that's the last school assignment of my undergraduate career. I know it's cliche, but the past four-and-a-half years have gone by incredibly fast. It literally feels like yesterday that I was psyching myself up for my first class (Art Appreciation.) I had to make a deal with myself before the class that I would speak out at least once every night. Now, they can't get me to shut up.

It's really hard to comprehend the changes we go through unless we have a frame of reference, and this school journey has given me an excellent one. I am no longer the girl who's initimidated by a room full of other students...even if I don't know anyone in the room. I feel confident in my opinions and my ability to speak them in a coherent manner. I am so grateful for my time at Converse and for the knowledge and confidence that I gained there.

Today, as I sat waiting for the delivery truck to bring my new dining room furniture (a whole blog entry in itself), I received two phone calls from classmates. That's one thing I'm certainly going to miss...a built in group of women with the same interests and ideals. I have been so amazed and overwhelmed by the friendship of the women of Converse, and I will miss the interaction with them.

This weekend promises to be fun enough, however, to drown any I'm-going-to-miss-everybody blues. Thursday is commencement rehearsal and the senior candlelight dinner. Friday is Baccalaureate (not certain on the spelling of that one) and Hats Off and then dinner. My parents and Steve's will be here for that, so it should be fun. It also doesn't hurt that I have a fabulous new dress for those occasions. (Who doesn't love to get dressed up in a pretty dress?) Saturday morning is graduation and then brunch on the lawn. Everything is capped off by the graduation party that Steve is throwing for me that afternoon. There will be grilling and friends and cake, and I am certain that the evening will devolve into Rock Band. What party at the Gray house doesn't end up with a roomful of people pretending to play instruments and wailing into a microphone? The cats will probably have to go into hiding.

In less that two weeks after graduation, my first grad school residency begins. I am very excited about that, too. Though it's hard to focus on that with all the graduation frenzy bubbling up inside me. It promises to be a lot of fun, though...spending 9 days with a bunch of other writers. I'm thinking summer camp, only, hopefully, with better food.

The Final Countdown

Okay, so my title probably makes you think of Gob Bluth and his bird killing magic tricks (at least it does if you run in the same circles I do.) Anyway, I'm not writing a blog entry about bad magic tricks, or even cancelled sitcoms. The final countdown which I am referencing is the one I am updating every day on my Facebook page...the number of days until graduation. Of course, maybe the magic is not so far off either. I have lots to do between now and graduation, but somehow, bit by bit, it's becoming more manageable, more believable. In less than 2 weeks, I'm graduating, ready or not.

This past week has been filled with all sorts of pre-graduation events, and each one has lent a bit more reality to the impending date. Last weeked was the most AMAZING wrap party for Concept Literary Journal. The staff and our professors/advisors came over to my house for dinner and, inevitably, Rock Band. It was a night I won't soon forget. Of course, they probably won't either. One girl informed me that my rendition of "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" was the greatest moment of her senior year. Hyperbole aside, though, it was a fun evening and a great release from all the end of semester stress.

Next I had the Gamma Sigma dinner and the Concept release party. Gamma Sigma, which is Converse College's version of Phi Beta Kappa, was such an honor, and the dinner they held for the new inductees was lovely. It isn't often that you get to spend a couple of hours with highly educated people who proceed to pat you on the back the entire time. It was actually a little surreal, but I highly recommend the experience. Who doesn't like to be told they're great? If don't believe me, we'll go to lunch, and I'll spend the entire time telling you how impressed I am with you. You'll be a new person in no time.

The Concept release party went far better than I expected. After several delays in delivery, the books finally arrived, and they look terrific. I was worried that the location of the party (the Writing Center) and the time (so near the end of the year) would hurt our attendance, but we had a great turnout, and everyone was so willing to read their work. I really enjoyed reading my essay, "Denver For Dummies," and everyone seemed to get a chuckle out of it, which is always nice. Of course both of these events were held the same evening, and I had a presentation that morning, so I spend a rather long day in my dress clothes and heels. I must be getting old because I can't traipse around in strappy, high-heeled sandals all day like I used to do.

Saturday was Awards Day at school, and that was lovely, too. I was recognized for Gamma Sigma and being a Nisbet Scholar, and I also recieved a Lykes award for my fiction and an honorable mention for my non-fiction in Concept. Best of all, Steve got to be there, and that made me very happy.

So as I look back over this entry, I realize that it reads a bit like a list of my accomplishments, which was not my intention. Rather, I wanted to share all the exciting events that have been going on as my final year as an undergrad winds to close. The past four-and-a-half years have been such an amazing journey, and I am so grateful for each and every part. I have met so many wonderful people as a result of my time at Converse. Never have I encountered so many brilliant, talented, and caring women as I have there. I am certain that we will be hearing about them for many years to come as they go out into the "real" world and make their way. As an older student, I have a slightly different perspective, and I must say that I am heartened by prospect of these women being our country's future.

This may be my last blog entry for a week or two. (I know, I said that before, and here I am.) Graduation and all its festivities are right around the corner. I will be back, however, bearing pictures and my very own diploma. And yes, there will be cake.