Sappy Endings

Once again, I have disappeared from my blog for an extended period of time. Since the last time I wrote, I have completed my MFA program and will walk in graduation at the end of the month. My final residency was at the beginning of June. It was so much fun, but also a little bittersweet. Here's the quick wrap-up of the culmination of two insanely busy and wonderful years.

On the first day of the residency (for the 5th semester students, everyone else had been there for several days already), I gave my reading. I wasn't really nervous about it, but still, it's never easy to follow the super-talented poet, Philip Belcher. Mostly, it was just a fun time, though. I got to share a selection from my thesis and listen to two of my ridiculously talented classmates read from theirs. Steve and Lucy Addison came, though Lucy Addison spent the reading hanging out in the lobby with Rick, the program director/founder.

After the student readings and dinner, I stayed for the faculty reading - Susan Tekulve and Robert Olmstead - both of whom were wonderful. Despite my determination to leave as soon as the reading was over, I ended up staying and chatting until much later than I should. As I drove home, the unsettling feeling that I had been trying to shake all day completely took over. The first student craft lectures (ever) were in the morning, and I was up first. Though I had been working on my craft lecture for ages, I still felt unprepared and unhappy with my lecture. I decided to rewrite/restructure my lecture no matter how long it took. (My lecture was scheduled for 9 in the morning!)

Sometime after 2 am, I declared my craft lecture done, and I felt about fifty pounds lighter. I may not have slept long, but at least it was untroubled sleep. I won't say I was nervous as I got up to give my lecture, but it was a weird feeling being first. Sure, there are fewer expectations if you're first, but still, if you're spectacularly bad and first, people are probably going to remember that.

Overall, I was pleased with how my lecture turned out. Certainly there were things that I wished I had said better or points I wish I had made (as soon as I sat down, they all flooded my brain.) But it could have been worse. I even held my own against a particularly persistent questioner, and at one point, one of my previous faculty mentors came to my rescue. The best part of going first, however, was that I then got to just sit back and enjoy the rest of the residency. I was done. I floated from event to event.

The remaining time was a blur of readings, lectures, and spending time with friends. The final night, we had a dinner to celebrate graduation followed by a party with the band, The Wheresville Project. There was much dancing (though not by me - I spared them that.) It was all fun and sad at the same time. There is something about the low-residency program that fosters relationships that are far closer than would be expected from such a short amount of time together. Maybe it's due to the intensity of the 9-day residencies. Whatever the cause of the closeness, it was sad to think that we won't be seeing each other anymore.

Since the end of the residency, my life has been a crazy blur. I've barely had time to process the end of six consecutive years of school. It all still seems a little unreal. Vacation Bible School began almost immediately after the residency and was followed closely by our annual pilgrimage to visit family in Maryland. Upon returning home, I received a package in the mail - my bound copy of my thesis. I didn't expect to be so excited to see my thesis bound, but there was something powerful about holding that book. I can't explain it, so I won't try.

Now begins the really hard part: keeping up with the writing life after school. It's easier to write regularly when you have deadlines that you have to meet. There are no deadlines anymore. Wait a minute. That's not true. My faculty mentor, Leslie Pietrzyk, has said that she expects me to finish my novel this year. So, I guess that's my deadline. Better get writing.

Catching Up Is Hard To Do

So it's time for a monster mega catch up blog. This marks the first residency (January 2011) that I didn't dedicate at least one entry to all the great things that happened there. Of course, that is not a reflection on the quality of the residency. There were so many wonderful readings and lectures and so much fun time with friends, but life has just been a little crazy since then, and it just never happened. So, here's my life in summary since my last blog entry from a date too distant to mention.

Third Semester of my MFA? Check! I have completed my critical paper ("The Voice in the Walls: The Femininity of Alternative Narrative Structure in the Work of Lorrie Moore", and no the title's NOT longer than the paper.) I have also cranked out more than 100 pages toward my thesis. Yes, there was much panicking, crying, and more than a few late nights, but I am three quarters of the way through my Masters!

The first Christmas with The Queen of Everything was everything I'd hoped (and a little more.) There was present unwrapping and macaroni and cheese eating and lots of pictures and video. Christmas just got a whole lot more fun with the addition of Lucy Addison, and I can only imagine how big of a blast we'll have next year.

Residency #4? Survived. Yes, I have completed my final full-length residency. I can hardly believe it myself, and I was there. There are so many wonderful things I could say about this residency, but I'll limit myself to these. Workshop gets better every semester as the program adds more and more talented students, and I learn so much from my fellow students. It's always encouraging and humbling to see how talented your classmates are. Also I found out I get to work with the always amazing, Leslie Pietrzyk, for my final semester, and I am so excited. I know I'm good hands as I revise and rethink my thesis.

January Madness and the 1st birthday. Despite my hopes to the contrary, things have not exactly slowed down since the holidays and residency ended. My life has been a series of appointments, visiting relatives, party planning, and a blizzard (well, by Southern terms, anyway.) The Queen's first birthday was a smashing success, with a houseful of 30+ people wedged into our 1700 sq ft house, and I'm still managing to squeeze my writing and reading into my schedule (somewhere.)

Now that you're dizzied by my seriously abbreviated version of the last two months, I'll share some words of wisdom...okay, just words. I've learned a few things about myself over the past few months. They are as follows:

1. One year olds are far more fun and entertaining than little babies. They also serve as greater distractions from things like schoolwork.

2. After months of research for my critical paper, I've discovered that I LOVE reading articles on literary criticism (and feminist criticism, in particular.) I just can't get enough of it .

3. I'm always going to dress like a school librarian, so I need to give up wishing I could look like my friends who've mastered Bohemian chic. I got rid of masses of clothing and purchased quite a few new things. Here's a surprise, they look like my old stuff, just newer.

Okay, so enough with this disjointed mess of a blog entry. You've been officially caught up. Here's keeping our fingers crossed for a more consistent blogging schedule in 2011! Want a sneak peek at future blog topics (tentative)? Well, how about zombie theory, more movie reviews, and a progress update on my thesis? I know right now you're positively panting with excitement, right? Or not.

Rambling [Wo]Man

I'm frantically trying to get my writing done for Monday's deadline, so, of course, I'm going to take some time to blog. Actually, I'm a little stuck, and I'm hoping this will shake something loose. Okay, that's kind of a disturbing metaphor, but I digress.

Lately, my days have been one long succession of baby, baby laundry, and feeling guilty/worried about my schoolwork. I can't seem to work for very long periods of times these days (for both practical and unknown reasons), so it's looking like I should have started this one-page-a-day installment plan a little sooner. I just need to get something on the page for this chapter so that I can start editing. The problem is that I keep editing in my head before I put anything down, and then I stall. Plus, I really wasn't planning on writing on one story for the entire semester, but I somehow got convinced that was the thing to do. Apparently, flattery will, in fact, get you everywhere, and telling me that you like my story and want to see more is enough to get me to agree to continue on with little, lost Michelle's adventures. What was I thinking?

So here I sit, knowing that the baby will wake up at any second from her nap and that we both have a cold and I still haven't eaten lunch and the dishes need to be put away and at some point I should probably wash my hair.

Okay, enough with the rant. Every semester I am convinced that this will be the time I don't get everything in by deadline, and every semester it all works out just fine. So I guess that means that this really will be the semester when I'm late and everyone realizes I'm a fraud and the health department really does declare my house unfit and we all run out of clean clothes.....and there she is, awake and ready for a bottle. Break over!

Wibbly Wobbly Time-y Wimey - MFA Summer Residency 2010

I logged onto my blog today to do my MFA Summer Residency entry and discovered that I haven't posted since April. While I knew I'd been laying low in blogland while I finished up my second semester work, I had no idea I'd been so negligent. I really must try to do better...especially since I met several people over the past month or two who actually read my blog....people I'd never met. At this residency, I got to have the completely unnerving experience of meeting someone and having them say, "Oh, I know you. I've read your blog." Talk about inequity. This total stranger knows all kinds of stuff about you, and you know absolutely nothing about them. I got over the weirdness, though, and it was pretty cool to know somebody reads this.

Back to the residency. For all those interested (and even if you're not), I am officially halfway through my Master's. Of course, the biggest chunk of work remains, but if I can get through a semester that included a newborn baby, I can survive anything. This term, in addition to my creative work, I will be completing a 25-page critical paper which will serve as the basis for the craft lecture I'll present at the fifth and final residency. After a lot of thinking and some consulting with my faculty mentor (more about him later), I have narrowed the subject matter of my paper (a bit) to an exploration of time and non-linear narratives in the work of fiction writer Lorrie Moore. I'm really excited about my topic since it's something I've been exploring in my smaller critical papers over the last two semesters.

With each semester, I am assigned a new faculty mentor. The first semester it was the amazing Leslie Pietrzyk, and last semester, I had RT Smith (also amazing.) This term I will be working with Robert Olmstead. In addition to meeting with him regarding our semester plans, he also ran the workshop for our half of the fiction group. Allow me to describe the Bob Olmstead fiction workshop experience...no wait, I can't. The man is, for lack of a better word, intense. His insights and advice were spot on, but you'd be hard pressed to find a more deep discussion of the ethics, morals, and philosphies of the characters, stories, etc. Between the laser precision of his story dissection and the hours-long novella (out loud!) readings we did, we all (Bob included) were wiped out every day at the end of our sessions. I feel like I learned so much that I need a little rest before I can really understand how much I learned. And yes, I realize that sentence doesn't make much sense...except maybe to the three other people from my workshop.

Residency isn't all work, however. We had readings every night, both faculty and student. Of particular note were Leslie's next installment of her novel in progress (hurry up and finish it so we can READ IT!), Dan Wakefield's touching reading of a chapter from his book-in-progress, and fellow student Kate's AMAZING reading the last night of residency. The great and powerful LUCY ADDISON also made her Converse College MFA program debut on the final night. Alas, she didn't give a reading.

The best part of residency is getting to see all my writing friends. As a writer, you are often isolated from others of similar interests, and so when we get together we all talk like mad to get all the literary fellowship stored up until next time. The process of workshop is intensely personal, and a special bond forms between fellow students as we dissect each other's creations, trying to be helpful while treading lightly on each other's feelings.

Now, it's the hard part - buckling down and doing the work....and maybe remembering to do a blog entry or two.

You Might Be A Writer If...

I've written before on the human need for identification with a specific group. Nerds love to be associated with their own kind, Jeff Foxworthy has made millions uniting rednecks, and we've all watched VH1's I Love the [insert decade] while nodding our heads and saying, "Yes, I remember the Monchhichi!" Well, writers have their own funny little ways, too, and after a week and a half of hanging out with my own kind, I have compiled a short list of "You know you're talking to a bunch of writers when..." (Jeff Foxworthy, eat your heart out.)

1. You correct someone's grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc., and they don't get mad.

If a writer is reading this blog entry, right now they are probably saying to themselves, "She really should have used angry since mad technically means crazy, and you know what? I'm okay with that. Nothing like a bunch of writers to keep you honest, at least from a language perspective.

2. You sit around discussing the finer points of your personal language/writing pet peeves.

Mine include people who say, "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less" and people who misuse the word "nauseous" (which includes almost everyone these days.) Nauseous means causing nausea, as in "these gas fumes are nauseous." It does not mean "to feel nausea." So when someone says, "I feel nauseous," I can only agree. Their abuse of the King's English is making me queasy.

On the final night of residency, several members of the fiction group (including some faculty) sat around a lovely dinner at Spartanburg's Inn on Main discussing their own language obsessions. One woman was on a personal vendetta against the use of "alright" in writing since technically it should be written as two words, all right. Another woman crawls out of her skin whenever someone says the non-word, irregardless. (I have to say, I'm right there with her on that one.) The best part of the evening? No one thought we were being nit-picky language snobs. Everyone at the table "got it." No judgements were made...except of those violating our grammatical code of conduct.

3. You make stupid writing puns, and everyone thinks they're hilarious.

There's always the classic, "Avoid cliches like the plague." (Yes, Martha, it's funny every time you say it.) Then there's the one I made up the other day, "She abuses adverbs horribly." (The best part? Steve, my non-writer husband, thought that one was amusing.) Basically, any play on words gets us chuckling. What can I say? We love the language.

4. You begin every shared anecdote with the phrase, "Okay, I'm going to tell you something, but you can't use this."

Writers are fiercely protective of their ideas for future work, and rightfully so. Writing is hard work, and you just can't make some things up. Cow-milking Dalmatians and possessed bedside lamps are like gold in the writing world, and a writer must store up these little gems like a squirrel storing nuts for winter. You never know when an idea draught is coming. And no, you can't steal either the lamp or the Dalmatian. They're all mine.

This list is, of course, not exhaustive. There are as many writerly tics as there are writers, and it is wonderful to be with a group of people who understand the shorthand that all us writing nerds speak. So if you're ever at a cocktail party and you walk into a small group scoffing at some author's multiple point of view shifts or debating the use of the frame story, you'll know you're in the company of writers. (And that you better watch what you say since they'll certainly be judging you by it.) You probably don't have much to worry about, though. We don't get invited to too many parties.

***Due to time constraints, there are probably typos in this blog. Feel free to alert the author to any mistakes you find, but beware: she is a writer, so be sure you know what you're talking about!

"When I Get A Little Money I Buy Books" Erasmus - Winter Residency Part II

Perhaps I should begin this the second installment on my winter residency with an explanation of the low-residency program. I had no idea when I entered this program how many times I would have to explain it to people. Sometimes the listener looks at me like I'm making it up. So allow me to assure you that these low-residency programs exist across the country and that we actually have several nearby (Queens College and Warren Wilson, both in NC.) The purpose of the low-residency program is to offer an MFA degree to the student who is unable to relocate to a city whose university or college offers a residential MFA program. It also allows the student to continue to hold down a real job. This is accomplished through two 10-day residencies that are held on campus, followed by a semester-long study and writing plan coordinated with a faculty mentor. Packets of the student's work are sent in to the faculty mentor throughout the semester. The workload is fairly extensive, but the student is free to schedule their semester work around their lives. Acceptance into these programs is based on the quality of the manuscript submitted. Because many potential MFAers are grown-ups with jobs and families, the low-residency program is increasing in popularity.

With that bit of housekeeping out of the way, I feel more free to share the rest of my week with you, the well-informed reader. As you can imagine, winter residency (and summer, too, for that matter) is an intense week of workshops, lectures, and writing with little time for sleeping or resting. As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, however, our benevolent leader did schedule a bit of a break for us on Wednesday that was much appreciated (especially by the 8 months pregnant lady with puffy feet!) Wednesday night I did return to school for a screening of the film, New York in the 50's, a documentary based on Dan Wakefield's book by the same name. Though the film did have the misfortune of being shown in the scorchingly overheated Hartness Auditorium, it managed to rise above the steamy circumstances to entertain and charm. The only downside was that Mr. Wakefield was ill and unable to be at the screening. So we're all saving our questions for the summer residency when we hope to see him again.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday went by in a haze of workshops, lectures, and vain attempts to find a comfortable chair and a place to prop up my feet. There were a few standouts, however. R.T. Smith's (yes, he's my mentor!) lecture on place in short fiction was amazing. Who else could read their lecture and still be so interesting and enlightening? Plus, he brought his Edgar Allen Poe action figure! Albert Goldbarth also made a last minute appearance in both a reading and lecture. On Thursday night he read with the always brilliant (and funny) Susan Tekulve, who read an essay on Scottish food and beverage. I also picked up a copy of her new book, Savage Pilgrims, which I can't wait to read. Albert Goldbarth's reading and lecture were both mind-blowing (and as always, entertaining.) My only regret was that the reading had to be held in Cleveland Hall, which managed to be both cold and uncomfortable. At least I got to sit next to the charming Peter Meinke and his wife during the reading. I can't remember the last time I met two kinder or more friendly people. (He's an amazing poet, too.) I can't wait to go to his reading at Converse at the end of the month (January 26.)

So, now it's all over. It's just me and my computer and a UPS guy loaded down with a massive book order. I have two deadlines before the baby gets here (let's hope she's not an early bird, which doesn't seem too likely considering her parents), not to mention the deadlines and work I'll have to do after she gets here. Here's hoping the muse does not forsake me. I've certainly been given more than enough practical advice and inspiring speeches to carry me through. I guess, now, it's up to me.

For those interested, here is a list of the books I purchased during Winter Residency and also my Reading List for the semester. Feel free to read along with any of these and let me know what you think!

Books I purchased:
Savage Pilgrims, Susan Tekulve (fiction)
Uke Rivers Delivers and The Calaboose Epistles, RT Smith (fiction)
To Be Read in 500 Years, Albert Goldbarth (poetry)

Winter 2010 Reading List:
Fiction 100 (anthology)
Lie That Tells The Truth, John Dufresne (craft book)
On Writing, Eudora Welty (craft book) *
Naming The World, Bret Anthony Johnston (craft book/exercises)
As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner (fiction)
The Member of the Wedding, Carson McCullers (fiction)
The Optimist's Daughter, Eudora Welty (fiction) *
I Hate to See That Evening Sun Go Down, William Gay (short fiction)
The Art of Fiction, John Gardner (craft book)

* It's like Rod read my mind! I was so wanting to reading some Eudora Welty this term. I mean, I did go Flannery O'Connor mad last term, so it's only fair.

Tight Schedules and Tighter Shoes: MFA Winter Residency Part One

I realized this morning that I have been missing from blogland for nearly a month, and what a month it has been. I went to Maryland for a week to visit family and just missed their record-breaking Christmas blizzard. I celebrated Christmas with Steve in a very quiet, laid-back way, and that was followed by a less than stellar new year as we lost our precious cat, Hobson to cancer and congestive heart failure. So while champagne was already off the menu for the New Year celebrations this year, it wasn't exactly with sparkling grape juice and noisemakers that we welcomed in 2010.

On a happier note, January 2nd meant the return to school as the Winter Residency began. Since Saturday (Jan 2), I haven't stopped. My life has been a whirlwind of lectures, readings, workshops, and traipsing across campus in the coldest weather Spartanburg has seen in a decade. A fine time to have ridiculously cold weather - when I'm too big to button my coat! The good news is that the program director has worked in a nice little break into the middle of all this craziness, so today I can (quite literally) put my feet up for a few hours, do some writing assignments, and just enjoy my home furnace and humidifier. I even have a nice, warm cat (Abby Tabby) cuddled beside me to keep me warm. Of course, I'll be back at school tonight for a showing of the film adaptation of Dan Wakefield's New York in the Fifties, but I'll be refreshed and ready to go by then. Besides, I'm really looking forward to the film, and Steve has promised to go with me.

Being pregnant during the residency has certainly made it more challenging, but I don't mean to imply that it's been 5 days of torture. The lectures have been great, and the faculty and fellow students are amazing. There have been plenty of highlights (or hi-lites, as I saw on a beauty shop sign near my house yesterday) to celebrate.

• RT Smith, editor of Shenandoah (and my mentor this semester!) gave a reading of his new fiction on Saturday night, including a Southern re-telling of Rumplestiltskin.


• Sarah Kennedy's lecture on the prosy poem. I will now think of her at every poetry reading I attend, wondering if the next poem will "outstrip" me or simply take me along for the ride. Here's hoping for the former rather than the latter.


• Leslie Pietrzyk's (my fantastic former mentor) lecture on finding the story in your novel or short story. I love the practical way in which Leslie approaches writing. She always has such amazing tips and tricks to suggest, and it's so comforting to know that a writer of her caliber has to work hard and use tips and tricks, too.


• Having a 3 hour gab session with my favorite fellow student at Jason's Deli. I think we solved the problems of the world and completely dissembled each other's workshop pieces. Good times!


• Peter Meinke's reading of his poem about the undercover poetry reader.


• Tim McKee's (editor of Sun Magazine) lecture on "Surfacing Pearls" where he actually gave us lists of what he looks for as an editor and what not to do in your stories. Way to be the first editor/speaker we've had that was willing to be that specific!


• C. Michael Curtis' reading of some of the crazy cover letters he's received as editor of the Atlantic Monthly.


• Looking at really, really old issues of Concept while taking a workshop break in the Coker Room.

Today, I enjoyed a bit of a lie-in and a little blogging time, and this afternoon I have lots of writing to do after my weekly doctor's appointment. Here's hoping I'm able to write my re-imagining of "Hills Like White Elephants" and my point-of-view switch exercises before heading to the movie. Tomorrow it's back to the insanity, and Friday I get workshopped. I better start psyching myself up now.

Hello Goodbye

I am wondering where September is going. Things are going crazy fast, and this is a short month. I feel like I just turned in MFA packet #2, and I'm already worrying about the next one due September 25th! The scariest thing about time flying is that the faster it goes, the more pregnant I get. I'll be 16 weeks on Friday! That's freaking me out just a bit. At this rate, February will be here in the blink of an eye (pardon my cliche.) Lots of schoolwork to do between now and then, so it's a little scary.

On the upside, I finally finished all my Flannery O'Connor reading today (FINALLY!) Don't get me wrong...I love her. I was just in O'Connor overload. Now, I'm finally getting to the part of my reading list that I've been waiting to read. First on the agenda? Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club. I love Amy Tan, so I'm very excited about this book. I started today after I finished with O'Connor, and I've already soared through a big chunk of the book. After that it's Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried and Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth (thanks to Leslie for letting me put that one on my reading list.) I'm so excited about all three, so knocking them out before the October deadline should be a breeze.

On a completely unrelated note, today (technically yesterday according to the clock) marks the release of all things Beatles. Beatles Rock Band is being released, and in conjunction with that, they are also releasing remastered versions of all their albums. Being Rock Band junkies, we already had our copy of Beatles Rock Band on reserve, and Steve picked it up on his way home from work. He then proceeded to play like a man possessed. He didn't even stop for dinner. Now that's devotion. The game was great, though. The songs are divided up into the years in which they were released, and the venues coincide with the years. For example, the early songs are performed in The Cavern, and the two American venues are Shea Stadium and the Ed Sullivan Show. We played drums, we sang, and we strummed on our fake plastic guitars. John Lennon is probably rolling over in his grave after my performance of "Twist and Shout," but hey, it was fun.

As with all our previous Rock Band fests, the cats remained unmoved as the music blared through the living room, rattling both furniture and bones. It doesn't faze them anymore. I'd like to think they were just chilling out to the mellow notes of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," but I think it's more likely that they've just grown numb. Good thing. We've got a Beatles party coming up, and they need to be ready.

Dead On Arrival, Or How I Survived My First MFA Residency

So after a prolonged absence, I am back. Perhaps a little worse for wear. I had 9 whole days of break between graduation and my first residency in my graduate school program. If I had known how tired I was going to get during the residency, I think I would have slept the entire 9 days between graduation and the residency.

The Converse College MFA Program's inaugural residency was amazing, but it was also very intense. For 9 days, I was either in a lecture, workshop, reading, or huddling over my laptop and wishing I didn't have to squeeze in a rewrite. The other students were great, however, and the faculty was unbelievable. Every day ended with a reading (both faculty and student) followed by a reception, which involved drinks and laughs. (One reading actually began with a student reading an epigraph by W.C. Fields in the voice of Christopher Walken. You can't make that stuff up.) I guess that is one theme that ran through the entire week and a half - laughs.

Of course, I learned lots of stuff during my week of intense study, and much of what I learned will greatly benefit my writing. Then there were the things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing. For example, my friend Rebecca taught me at least one new word meaning (which I won't be sharing in print.) I learned that people in the south put mayo on everything. I also learned that sleep deprivation and alcohol are an interesting combination. It's amazing the effect that one beer can have on someone who's had 4 hours of sleep. And by somebody, I mean me.

Then there was Rock Band night. Yes, my Rock Band obsession has spread to my professors, and we actually had a Rock Band party during the MFA residency. It was so great to see everyone loosen up and participate after they saw someone else make an idiot of themselves at the microphone. And by someone else, I mean me.

My favorite part of the week, though, was simply the time spent with friends and fellow writers. There were deep conversations and all that heavy stuff, but there was also a lot of flat out cutting up. Why are writers so much fun? There was truly a sense of solidarity among all of us, students and professors both. I got to meet some new people, and even more importantly, I got to spend time getting to know some of my Converse friends even better over Thai food and chocolate chip cookies and tapas and overpriced cocktails.

Of course, there were a few occasions when we almost got to know a little too much about each other. With 9 days of constant contact, everybody starts to let their real selves show. I read somewhere that if you are sleep deprived for long enough that it is like being intoxicated. If that is really true, then most of us were, in fact, quite buzzed most of the time. There were oversharing incidents and Freudian slips and invasions of personal space on a daily basis. Just a lot of glorious, messy life. One professor commented that she couldn't remember what her real life was like after so many days on the Converse campus. I must admit, I'm looking forward to remembering what my real life is like. At least until January.

The Surreal Life - Graduation Edition

Well, I did it. I graduated from college. It still feels a little unreal, though it sinks in a bit more with each passing day. I've been an official graduate for 3 whole days, and I'm already a grad student. No rest for the weary (or is it the wicked?) My first residency starts next week, and I can hardly wait...well, that's not entirely true. I am enjoying the break from school, no matter how short. It's nice to know I don't have anything I have to do for school for a few days. Yesterday was one, long, glorious day of wasting time and accomplishing nothing. It was everything I dreamed of and then some.

Back to graduation, though. It was an amazing experience. (No mocking my vague, hyperbolic adjective, either. It really was. I couldn't think of a better word, except maybe awesome.) Last Thursday was the first of the surreal graduation experiences. I sat in Twichell auditorium, shivering in the overwrought air-conditioning and marveling that I was actually there getting ready to graduate. Despite the mind-numbingly boring explanations (and over-explanations) of how graduation would run, none of us could stop grinning. We looked like a bunch of high-class hyenas in dresses, heels, and pearls. You don't get much more surreal than that! Then there was the Candlelight Senior Dinner with its tearful, drunken toasting and slideshow set to graduation classics like Green Day's "Time of Your Life." I felt a little like I was trapped in some bad 80's movie, but I loved every minute of it. Baccalaureate was the next night, followed by Hats Off and dinner with family.

Graduation Day dawned gray and rainy. Apparently, it never rains on Converse graduation...except when I graduate. So lunch on the lawn wasn't going to happen, but I didn't care. They could throw my diploma to me as I drove by the school, so long as I had that document in my hot, little hands when it was all over. Fortunately, that didn't happen. I got my diploma like everyone else, during Commencement. I must admit that after Steve walked me over to Wilson Hall to line up, it all started to feel a little unreal. I don't think I was the only one feeling this way, either. Everyone seemed a little on edge, a little different, like we were strangers meeting for the first time. We made polite conversation and took pictures together because that's what we were supposed to do. No one seemed clear on what we were supposed to do after all this was over.

Once I got settled in my seat in Gee Dining Hall, I looked over the program. I quickly found my name, also a little unreal. Sarah Elizabeth, summa um laude. Wait a minute. Did that say what I think it did? Sure enough. The only typo in the entire program was next to my name. That one little missing "C" gave me and those around me a good laugh until it was time to head into Twichell for the big event. As we walked out of Wilson, the faculty applauded us, another surreal happening for the history books. We lined up outside Twichell and applauded the faculty as they processed into the auditorium. Then it was our turn. I know I am a writer, and therefore, should be able to explain how I felt as I walked to my seat. Alas, I cannot. I suppose I could say that my heart was full or some other cliche like that, but that just wouldn't cover it. As I found my seat, I looked up to the balcony to see where Steve and my parents had promised to sit. I waved hello with my grin.

I must confess that I barely remember walking across the stage to get my diploma and hood. I certainly didn't hear any of my friends names as they were called after mine. I was in a daze. I couldn't then (and still can't now) believe that I was holding my diploma in my hand. It wasn't just me, either. My friend, Megan, kept giving me the most ridiculously wide grin (I know mine was exactly like hers.) We kept squeezing each other's hand. I'm not sure if we were congratulating each other, or trying to make sure the moment was real.

After lots of hugs and pictures, we made our way to Gee Dining Hall for some bad food, good friends, and continued photo ops. My night of no sleep was starting to kick in. When we finally peeled ourselves away from the festivities (I wasn't sure I was ready for everything to be over), we headed home to get ready for the graduation party. I began my preparations with a nap. Nothing glamorous or surreal there. Just one tired graduate. Not even graduating summa Cum laude could make up for a good night's sleep.

Hold On To That Feeling

Four days to go. It seems unreal that in four short days I'll be a college graduate. Tomorrow I drop off my final paper/exam for Domesticity class (and no, that's not a class on how to make beds and sew on buttons), and then that's the last school assignment of my undergraduate career. I know it's cliche, but the past four-and-a-half years have gone by incredibly fast. It literally feels like yesterday that I was psyching myself up for my first class (Art Appreciation.) I had to make a deal with myself before the class that I would speak out at least once every night. Now, they can't get me to shut up.

It's really hard to comprehend the changes we go through unless we have a frame of reference, and this school journey has given me an excellent one. I am no longer the girl who's initimidated by a room full of other students...even if I don't know anyone in the room. I feel confident in my opinions and my ability to speak them in a coherent manner. I am so grateful for my time at Converse and for the knowledge and confidence that I gained there.

Today, as I sat waiting for the delivery truck to bring my new dining room furniture (a whole blog entry in itself), I received two phone calls from classmates. That's one thing I'm certainly going to miss...a built in group of women with the same interests and ideals. I have been so amazed and overwhelmed by the friendship of the women of Converse, and I will miss the interaction with them.

This weekend promises to be fun enough, however, to drown any I'm-going-to-miss-everybody blues. Thursday is commencement rehearsal and the senior candlelight dinner. Friday is Baccalaureate (not certain on the spelling of that one) and Hats Off and then dinner. My parents and Steve's will be here for that, so it should be fun. It also doesn't hurt that I have a fabulous new dress for those occasions. (Who doesn't love to get dressed up in a pretty dress?) Saturday morning is graduation and then brunch on the lawn. Everything is capped off by the graduation party that Steve is throwing for me that afternoon. There will be grilling and friends and cake, and I am certain that the evening will devolve into Rock Band. What party at the Gray house doesn't end up with a roomful of people pretending to play instruments and wailing into a microphone? The cats will probably have to go into hiding.

In less that two weeks after graduation, my first grad school residency begins. I am very excited about that, too. Though it's hard to focus on that with all the graduation frenzy bubbling up inside me. It promises to be a lot of fun, though...spending 9 days with a bunch of other writers. I'm thinking summer camp, only, hopefully, with better food.

The Final Countdown

Okay, so my title probably makes you think of Gob Bluth and his bird killing magic tricks (at least it does if you run in the same circles I do.) Anyway, I'm not writing a blog entry about bad magic tricks, or even cancelled sitcoms. The final countdown which I am referencing is the one I am updating every day on my Facebook page...the number of days until graduation. Of course, maybe the magic is not so far off either. I have lots to do between now and graduation, but somehow, bit by bit, it's becoming more manageable, more believable. In less than 2 weeks, I'm graduating, ready or not.

This past week has been filled with all sorts of pre-graduation events, and each one has lent a bit more reality to the impending date. Last weeked was the most AMAZING wrap party for Concept Literary Journal. The staff and our professors/advisors came over to my house for dinner and, inevitably, Rock Band. It was a night I won't soon forget. Of course, they probably won't either. One girl informed me that my rendition of "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" was the greatest moment of her senior year. Hyperbole aside, though, it was a fun evening and a great release from all the end of semester stress.

Next I had the Gamma Sigma dinner and the Concept release party. Gamma Sigma, which is Converse College's version of Phi Beta Kappa, was such an honor, and the dinner they held for the new inductees was lovely. It isn't often that you get to spend a couple of hours with highly educated people who proceed to pat you on the back the entire time. It was actually a little surreal, but I highly recommend the experience. Who doesn't like to be told they're great? If don't believe me, we'll go to lunch, and I'll spend the entire time telling you how impressed I am with you. You'll be a new person in no time.

The Concept release party went far better than I expected. After several delays in delivery, the books finally arrived, and they look terrific. I was worried that the location of the party (the Writing Center) and the time (so near the end of the year) would hurt our attendance, but we had a great turnout, and everyone was so willing to read their work. I really enjoyed reading my essay, "Denver For Dummies," and everyone seemed to get a chuckle out of it, which is always nice. Of course both of these events were held the same evening, and I had a presentation that morning, so I spend a rather long day in my dress clothes and heels. I must be getting old because I can't traipse around in strappy, high-heeled sandals all day like I used to do.

Saturday was Awards Day at school, and that was lovely, too. I was recognized for Gamma Sigma and being a Nisbet Scholar, and I also recieved a Lykes award for my fiction and an honorable mention for my non-fiction in Concept. Best of all, Steve got to be there, and that made me very happy.

So as I look back over this entry, I realize that it reads a bit like a list of my accomplishments, which was not my intention. Rather, I wanted to share all the exciting events that have been going on as my final year as an undergrad winds to close. The past four-and-a-half years have been such an amazing journey, and I am so grateful for each and every part. I have met so many wonderful people as a result of my time at Converse. Never have I encountered so many brilliant, talented, and caring women as I have there. I am certain that we will be hearing about them for many years to come as they go out into the "real" world and make their way. As an older student, I have a slightly different perspective, and I must say that I am heartened by prospect of these women being our country's future.

This may be my last blog entry for a week or two. (I know, I said that before, and here I am.) Graduation and all its festivities are right around the corner. I will be back, however, bearing pictures and my very own diploma. And yes, there will be cake.

To Kill a Mockingbird (or at least a college student)

School is back, and homework has taken over my life. I had all these intriguing ideas for blog entries, but I'm afraid they have all gone the way of my free time and sanity. I have so much to do that I've had to resort to my favorite way to de-stress...list making. When all else fails, seeing everything I have to do written out in a nice, organized list with due dates makes me feel better. The hardest thing for me this semester has been all the required TV watching for my Buffy class. It just feels plain wrong to be watching Buffy episodes when I have TONS of work to do. I guess I'll just have to get over that.

There are bright spots in all my craziness, however. One of those is Senior Seminar. Professor Tekulve is working hard to prepare us for our senior project, which includes not only my manuscript, but also an 8 page critical introduction where I talk about my writing/influences. That's really exciting to think about. When I look back over my past four years, names like Ann Pancake, Diane Gilliam Fisher, and Lee Smith immediately jump to mind. In my opinion, there are no better teachers of narrative voice than these writers. I guess I also have to be completely unoriginal and sing the praises of Harper Lee. It just doesn't get any better than To Kill a Mockingbird.

On a related note (and also very exciting), I will be starting the whole grad school application process next week. Once again Professor Tekulve comes through. She has nominated me for a scholarship competition (a big deal since there is essentially no scholarship money for low-residency MFA programs), and she has agreed to take a look at my manuscript to offer suggestions for polishing it for submission to the programs I am looking at. (Maybe they will be able to teach me not end my sentences with prepositions.) I am so grateful for all the help and guidance I have received from the faculty at Converse. Their generosity is astonishing and, at times, overwhelming.

Because I don't have enough homework to do, I have also joined an amazing women's Bible study. We are doing Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Woman. It has been really wonderful so far, but it does increase my already crazy homework load. It's worth it, though. Michelle, the leader of the group, is such a wise and quiet spirit, and the other ladies are so kind and open. I'm grateful that they have taken me into their group as if I had always been there. I guess I'm just seeing generosity at every turn.

It's after midnight now, and I am fully aware that this blog is probaby not my finest work. It's been a very long, very busy day. I'm exhausted and more than a little overwhelmed, but I just have to remember that this journey will be over all too soon. It will be replaced by another equally challenging one. I'm just going to have to take it one day at a time, cliche or not.

Bittersweet Chocolate

I take it all back. For the past week, I've been complaining about our homework in Fiction Tutorial. Our professor assigned us one of those eavesdropping dialogue exercises, and I HATE those. I don't like eavesdropping, and I never hear anything good (dialogue-wise, not good as in juicy.) Consequently, I've been putting it off. So today (the day before it's due), I had to buckle down and get it done. I treated myself to lunch at Monsoon Noodle House and set to eavesdropping. Once again, I didn't hear much, but I did hear one or two phrases that triggered something in my mind. I threw in a few phrases/sentences I heard people say over the weekend, and then I got to work on the scene we were assigned to write using the at least 4 of the collected phrases. I can't believe it, but I actually got a useful scene to go in my linked sequence of stories! I'm so excited. What's really great is that the scene is not from one of the four stories I'm working on for Senior Seminar. It's actually from later in the sequence...stuff I'll need in order to continue working on this sequence once I graduate.


Speaking of graduation, it's getting to be that time...time to think about life after I graduate. On the surface, I'm too excited for words. I'm doing all the graduation things that all the "traditional" graduates do. I got my Senior pictures taken. I even got a class ring. Senior trappings aside, however, there is a lot to take in. First, there is graduate school to think about...where to apply, hoping I'll get in, hoping I'll be able to produce high quality work once I get in...will I be uncovered as a fraud who actually shouldn't be allowed to write an email, let alone a work of fiction? Then there's life after Converse. I've gotten really spoiled by my time there. Every day, I get to go to a place where all the professors are there to help and support you, and I am surrounded by other women with the same interests and drives as mine. We can talk about one short story for three times longer than it took to read it, and rip apart each other's work and still be friends. Most of the other creative writing majors are traditional aged students, and they don't seem to realize what they have there. I've been out in the work world, the real world, for lack of a better term, and it's nothing like the cozy, cocoon that is college. There may not be much time left in my final year, but I'm going to soak up every last minute of it.


Tomorrow night is our final Fiction Tutorial class, and I am so sad. Leslie Pietrzyk has been wonderful, and I have learned so much in one short month. I know I have some awesome classes waiting for me in Spring Term, but I really hate to see this month end. (Okay, it probably has a little to do with the fact that I only have class once a week right now, but it's the quality of the class, too.) I'm just hoping that Senior Seminar will be a kind of continuation of this past month - great discussions, amazing one-on-one time with my professor, and crazy progress on my stories. In the meantime, we'll celebrate tomorrow night with fiction and brownie bars.